Embracing the Unexplained

When Drew and I got married five years ago it was never a question of if we would have kids, more it was a question of when would be the right time. Despite all of the well-meaning questions, we still don’t know when that will happen.

This wasn’t a post I ever wanted to write or one that I even thought would be a part of my life. We spent the better part of the last year, beyond selling a house and moving, learning the extreme specifics of why after two years we had not successfully gotten pregnant on our own. Several months of regular doctors appointments and a handful of very friendly procedures and the answer is no one knows. The official diagnosis is ‘unexplained infertility’.

That mean’s we’ve tested everything we can test and we still don’t know why. When we started down this journey I was hopeful that we’d come out the other side with a logical, medical answer. Unfortunately, several months and a few thousand dollars later there is literally not one single logical answer. Medically speaking nothing is ‘wrong’ with either of us. This is almost more frustrating than just not knowing in the first place.

And it’s not just us. It’s 10% of all couples.

For those who have advice…. allow me to explain all the things that we have done:

• basal charting
• ovulation strips
• Ava fertility charting
• acupuncture
• Whole 30
• exercise
• relaxation
• essential oils
• Betty White’s Dance from the proposal

Fast forward to present and this month we’re starting what is our 5th treatment cycle.

I’m sharing this now because I can’t stand fertility forums and the more people I talk with, the more I realize how insanely common this experience is.

Shockingly after spending years trying to not get pregnant, it seems that more likely then not, an unwanted pregnancy wasn’t in the cards for me. “Take that” judgmental Walmart cashier who called for a price check the first time my period came a day late in my early 20’s.

So I don’t have an answer. If you are in that group of women I’m happy to talk through every test before you have to get it. I can event point you to the cheapest place to buy a years supply of ovulation test strips [its amazon and you will completely screw up your husbands prime recommendations]. Hell I’ll tell the next person who questions the glass of wine you are having or not having that it’s none of their business.

Back to the IUI thing. IUI means Intrauterine Insemination and is the “least invasive” treatment. Typically this is where most people with unexplained infertility start. With an IUI you go into the doctor throughout your cycle, take medication to ensure ovulation, and then go in for the actual procedure on the date of your ovulation. Rather than going about things the old fashioned way they use a syringe help the process along. Romantic right.

We did our first cycle approximately a year ago and when I went in for my final check-up before the procedure they discovered that I had 5 eggs ready. Since we aren’t planning for a TLC show that round was skipped entirely and then I had to wait another 3 months to get back to a good baseline.

After that, we did 3 IUIs at our original doctors’ office without any success. At that stage, the recommendation was to move onto IVF. Since we aren’t ready to decide if we do or don’t want to even consider that option I wanted to get a second opinion.

Now we’re in the early stages of what will be the 4th IUI following a completely new treatment plan – this time with the combination of both oral medication and injectables.

While I don’t think anyone assumes treatment for infertility is glamorous I missed the memo that I also now get to play pharmacist and mix my own medications. It’s literally one of the most stressful things I’ve ever done, trying to hold a bottle of saline upside down with a giant needle and not shoot saline across the room when it’s supposed to go into yet another bottle to combine. Whoever’s idea this was is a jerk.

So I don’t know what will happen. I don’t know if this cycle will go as scheduled or if we’ll have to cancel again. It’s a whole lot of unknowns.

What I do know is that I am strong enough to get through this and if you have to share this experience, so are you.